words.

Is there something I'm not taking into account to explain everything that has happened? I am wondering as I see him sitting there, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. His mouth forming shapes and sounds that i never wanted to hear come from them. People promise forever and this time forever is what I'll get. A lifetime locked up inside myself because of one action one mistake. Goodbye life as I thought I so well knew it hello uncertainty and second guessing.

Pacing the corridor outside the cold dark room. I picture his mouth forming the words just moments before. What was going to become, only time could tell. i never thought it would come this early but perhaps those lips spoke immanent truth. Maybe this was the end right here. How could it be? I’d had no time to prepare. Not even him, himself and his shaping words were prepared. And now as we see it his words had set his fate.

And then everything stopped.The pacing stopped, my thoughts stopped. If these were the last moments then I wasn't wasting them like this. I burst in the cold dark room seeing nothing but a bunch of white coats separating like the red seas at Moses’ orders revealing a frail man, no boy. His presence wasted away. He turned his head towards me and I saw the tears returning to the corners of the eyes.This is it he said and with that all I could hear was a solid piercing beep and his eyes closed.So long, may your lips form the words of grace from up above

candice <3

where i am at.

and this is where i realise everything i once loved i am slowly losing or have already lost.
i realise the best friends i once held close i no longer know through no ones fault but time.
i realise the ideas i once held for a relationship will never be realised in fear of commitment.
there's only an extent to which i can go and i've reached my limits.
i feel as though I'm a burden among everyone complaining when nothing has really happened and god forbid it ever does i would cease to exist.
i sit here finding burns on my arms that i didn't even remember getting because i am numb to everything.
i smile and laugh like any normal person without force but it's natural instinct.
the pile of tissues at the foot of my bed only confirm this.
i don't want to know myself anymore.i hate who i've become because i have lost so much.

can we be saved or has the damaged all been done?
is it too late to reverse what we've become?

a while back.

invisible to the world.i wish to be a chameleon to hide myself from this world; to make getting away easier and to view everything as if i never bared a presence.it scares me how little i know about everything but how much hold i have over most but yet nothing on myself. the reasons why i feel like this are unbeknownst to me. The reasons as to why anyone should every feel like this just don't add up.Yet just another bitterly lost teenager.Emotional never held so much meaning.

3:57am.

i have realised people rely on me when i can't even rely on myself.
when did all my nightmares become so real. when did alone become all i
know. when did friends become all i cared about. when did i stop smiling
like tomorrow would never come. when will i find salvation. when will i
write something worth anyones time.

dreamer.

wake me up when people aren't constantly trying to cuase rifts.
when i can be friends with who i like and not have to worry about how others will react.
seriously GROW UP.

unheard.

and 80,000 voices still wouldn't have an effect.

leaving town.

and if i wasn't to show my face around here for a few days i'd be dead to the world.
this is my only existance and i hate myself for that.



if i never feel again at least that nothingness will end, the painful dream of you and me.

possibilities.

if only you knew you kept me tossing and turning all night.
if only youremembered what mattered before all of this.
if only you knew she couldnever love you like i do.
if only you knew the way i felt.
if only i knew why.

i prefer squares.

another day another struggle to leave my bed.
another burn to get my hair to societies expectations.
another feeling of let down when I wake up with unread messages from
people in need.
another day of 8-3.
circles are my most hated shape.

laura.

why cant life be as good as you!
learning how to lace shoes with you in pcp is the best.
friends dont came any better than you :)

tension.

i can feel it rising.
i dont like what it is doing to me.
i want to tell you how i feel.
i want you to tell me it will all be fine.

give me reason but dont give me choice coz i'd just make the same mistake again.

ignoring the world.

drifting further and further from people. i can see it happening but i have no way of stopping it. at the same time i don't want to stop it. i can breathe again.

dinner party.

i play make believe too often.