oi!

NEW BLOG SICK OF LOOKING AT THIS ONE
http://breathechange.blogspot.com/

laughing.

my blog is the lamest thing ever.
apologies to who ever has had to come across it in their time.

grounded.

No one move, No one speak, Please don't say that it's just me, it's not just me. And even though I wont forget, Just don't want this to end just yet, not just yet. And if I had one chance to freeze time. And stand still and soak in everything, I'd choose right now. And if I had one night with sunshine to break through and show you everything, I'd choose right now, Before the fears that I once had start coming back... again.If this is it, all we have, I know I've done all I can, If this is it.And we can stop, Inside again, And can stay till the end, If this is it.And if I had one chance to freeze timeAnd stand still and soak in everything, I'd choose right now.And if Iÿ had one night with sunshine to break through and show you everything, I'd choose right now, Before the fears that I once had start coming back... again.Oh please come back again... again, Oh please come back again, Oh please come back again.And I'm so scared I might forget, Just don't want this to end just yet, Not just yet.And if I had one chance to freeze timeAnd stand still and soak in everything, I'd choose right now.And if Iÿ had one night with sunshine to break through and show you everything, I'd choose right now, Before the fears that I once had start coming back... again.

numb.

baby there's beauty in goodbye.

i can't describe how i'm feeling.
perhaps it's numb.

all knowing.

I know you too well.
Better then maybe even you know yourself.
The way she has so easily manipulated you and taken over your time has me bewildered.
Even to the extent you’re backing her against one of your best friends.
You’ll probably know this is about you but I’ve given up caring.
I’d rather loose you than have her walking around like we’re all just going to bow down.
I’m sorry and I miss you but nothing will be the same until she’s gone.

kids like us.

this book lies. there is nothing wonderful about hiccups and if they do not stop i am going to lose it. i am glad i did homework laast night because i am now infront in one of my subjects.
only seven more days until im seventeen and i'm wondering where the years have gone. its funny how when your a little kid all you want to do is grow up and retain responsibilities liek a job and going to high school and now i am here i would trade anything to have those days back. i want to be carefree again. when the only homework i had were my spelling words and the only worries i had were what spot i was in four square. all i want for my birthday is to be seven again.

the hills.

it's funny how you can be so arrogant. you walk around like your lifes a mess. you have the perfect boyfriend, a best friend who will never leave you, parents who are both alive and there for you at every turn and health a sick child would give anything for. yet you're still not even slightly content. people like you make society look grim. grow up.
i am going on a journey of self discovery so i can be sure i never stoop this low.

abandoned ship.

And you quietly laugh to yourself as you stare around the room seeing everyone struggle as much as you. Whose fault is this? It’s a simple test of ideas to stretch your memory for miles, to rack your brain until it is as dry as a desert; but yet you’re sitting there smirking and thanking your lucky stars that you are not on an abandoned ship.
Who’d have thought this would be the only time in weeks, months maybe even years that you haven’t felt alone.
You try like they suggested but you don’t even get close. Instead you turn to this; writing your only incite, your only way to make sense of life.
Contemplation of becoming a total recluse after this sit in the back of your mind but then you look up and once again realise that this ship isn’t abandoned and you’re not alone.
You breathe, a sigh of relief know in that this is only a run-through, a warm up for when the real battle arrives.
If only life’s choices came with this many chances.

october first 200ninnnnne.

exactly 21 days until i enter my 18th year of being my own person.
mission, leaving this world remembered for the better.
status, searching but not finding.
and all i have to show for it is a pay slip every week, a school report and a beating heart.
what's up life!?

words.

Is there something I'm not taking into account to explain everything that has happened? I am wondering as I see him sitting there, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. His mouth forming shapes and sounds that i never wanted to hear come from them. People promise forever and this time forever is what I'll get. A lifetime locked up inside myself because of one action one mistake. Goodbye life as I thought I so well knew it hello uncertainty and second guessing.

Pacing the corridor outside the cold dark room. I picture his mouth forming the words just moments before. What was going to become, only time could tell. i never thought it would come this early but perhaps those lips spoke immanent truth. Maybe this was the end right here. How could it be? I’d had no time to prepare. Not even him, himself and his shaping words were prepared. And now as we see it his words had set his fate.

And then everything stopped.The pacing stopped, my thoughts stopped. If these were the last moments then I wasn't wasting them like this. I burst in the cold dark room seeing nothing but a bunch of white coats separating like the red seas at Moses’ orders revealing a frail man, no boy. His presence wasted away. He turned his head towards me and I saw the tears returning to the corners of the eyes.This is it he said and with that all I could hear was a solid piercing beep and his eyes closed.So long, may your lips form the words of grace from up above

candice <3

where i am at.

and this is where i realise everything i once loved i am slowly losing or have already lost.
i realise the best friends i once held close i no longer know through no ones fault but time.
i realise the ideas i once held for a relationship will never be realised in fear of commitment.
there's only an extent to which i can go and i've reached my limits.
i feel as though I'm a burden among everyone complaining when nothing has really happened and god forbid it ever does i would cease to exist.
i sit here finding burns on my arms that i didn't even remember getting because i am numb to everything.
i smile and laugh like any normal person without force but it's natural instinct.
the pile of tissues at the foot of my bed only confirm this.
i don't want to know myself anymore.i hate who i've become because i have lost so much.

can we be saved or has the damaged all been done?
is it too late to reverse what we've become?

a while back.

invisible to the world.i wish to be a chameleon to hide myself from this world; to make getting away easier and to view everything as if i never bared a presence.it scares me how little i know about everything but how much hold i have over most but yet nothing on myself. the reasons why i feel like this are unbeknownst to me. The reasons as to why anyone should every feel like this just don't add up.Yet just another bitterly lost teenager.Emotional never held so much meaning.

3:57am.

i have realised people rely on me when i can't even rely on myself.
when did all my nightmares become so real. when did alone become all i
know. when did friends become all i cared about. when did i stop smiling
like tomorrow would never come. when will i find salvation. when will i
write something worth anyones time.

dreamer.

wake me up when people aren't constantly trying to cuase rifts.
when i can be friends with who i like and not have to worry about how others will react.
seriously GROW UP.

unheard.

and 80,000 voices still wouldn't have an effect.

leaving town.

and if i wasn't to show my face around here for a few days i'd be dead to the world.
this is my only existance and i hate myself for that.



if i never feel again at least that nothingness will end, the painful dream of you and me.

possibilities.

if only you knew you kept me tossing and turning all night.
if only youremembered what mattered before all of this.
if only you knew she couldnever love you like i do.
if only you knew the way i felt.
if only i knew why.

i prefer squares.

another day another struggle to leave my bed.
another burn to get my hair to societies expectations.
another feeling of let down when I wake up with unread messages from
people in need.
another day of 8-3.
circles are my most hated shape.

laura.

why cant life be as good as you!
learning how to lace shoes with you in pcp is the best.
friends dont came any better than you :)

tension.

i can feel it rising.
i dont like what it is doing to me.
i want to tell you how i feel.
i want you to tell me it will all be fine.

give me reason but dont give me choice coz i'd just make the same mistake again.

ignoring the world.

drifting further and further from people. i can see it happening but i have no way of stopping it. at the same time i don't want to stop it. i can breathe again.

dinner party.

i play make believe too often.

not even.

you're nothing you make yourself out to be.
just an attention seeking friend if i even dare grace you with that word.

reasons.

When I die, will they remember not What I did, but what I haven't done? It's not the end that I fear with each breath It's life that scares me to death. When we built these dreams on sand How they all slipped through our handsThis might be our only chance Let's take this one day at a time I'll hold your hand if you hold mineThe time that we kill keeps us alive.

failure

So sick of people these days. Everyone seems to screw there own lives up and then sit there whining about it. Seriously your life may not be going to plan, things may not go in your favour but ever tried stepping back and looking at what you do have? Maybe instead of giving up you should think of that best friend who’s always there to listen, the check out chick that smiles at you and tells you to have a nice day because she generally means it. More than half the people I know that are supposedly screwed for life are lazy shits who sit on their arses all day whining about their lives. How about you go and make something of yourself? Get a job instead of being a doll bludger go back to school instead of sitting in your room all day. Do that one piece of homework instead of getting smashed and stoned on the weekend. I know a few people that would give anything to have your lives to have a family that cares to have a friend that is always there to listen and I hate you for taking it for granted. For so long I’ve been the door mat to people like you there to pick up your pieces when you screw up while you just walk away and forget everything I have done for you coz you know that I will be there for you next time because that’s the type of person I am. Well I have news for you its no longer going to happen. I need to think of myself and not have to listen to you whinge every day of how screwed up you life is in your mind. I say your mind because for the most cases you bring yourself down and make it worse that it really is. Grow a back bone go and show the world who you can really be,/.

cute playlists

memories to last a life time
happiness to drown out the tears
is it too much to look for in life?

new.

find me something new, someone new, somewhere new.

rat race.

i've lived sixteen years. sixteen prosperous sucessful years give or take a few. yet i still can't comprehend the human mind.it's far beyond anyones ideas scientific or otherwise. all i can tell for sure is that everything anyone does these days is for self gain. beit social financial or otherwise. but why? what does any of this get you? a reputation to with hold when you know the only reason you have itis because you've stepped on so many you've held close to you? I'm sosick and tired of being the one you step on to reach your hieghts. tomost throughout my life i've been the one that will do until you findsomething/someone better. I'll give you an example a best friend of 3years but now no longer and i were reminissing along with the otherperson in the friendship and in the end the girl turned to 2 of us andsaid we were sad. but had we really been sad? at the time it satisfiedher. at the time she was happy with it but little did we know we werejust a step in her social climb to have the life she does today which ican say is no where near as good as what we all had together. i can alsoname about five other people and circumstances when this has alsohappened to me over the past year and a half. is it that everyone elseis growing up and I'm just living in an alternate/previous reality or isthe world really as screwed as i see it. i can honestly say i have neverever taken anyone for granted. not my friends, enemies, family members,colegues, teachers or other passers by throughout my time. i don't thinkthere's many others around here that can say the same about. show me where all the good has gone.

herbal medicine?

so i go to the doctors for medical advice, turns out i could have saved mum $50 and just kept doing what i was already doing.
i also have a history SAC tomorrow which i am no way prepared for due to being sick and perhaps too much overindulgance in extra curricular activities.

anyway time to go nerd it up.x

rewire. reset. reborn.

All bets are off, all beef is squashed and now i'm makin' firewood out of my soapbox. slit the throat of my highhorse and right my wrongs all in due course. rewire my brain and i'll start again. its funny how the smallest, most seemingly insignificant things can make you step back and reevaluate your whole life. looking in mirror and relising that youre just a fucking wanker like everyone else. i cant deal with this shit in my life anymore. i cant be this idiot for one more day. rewire. reset. reborn. crack open my head and rip it all out, get rid of all the bullshit that i can do without, for today i leave it all behind and tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life!